Roxana,
I met Roxana about 2 years ago on a random site. We started talking and we quickly found ourselves enjoying each others company. We continued to talk more frequently, started seeing each other through Skype.
At this point I should tell you guys a little about her, Roxana is from Romania. She’s quite beautiful with her almost jet black hair, beautiful hazel eyes and a smile that could shatter even the most hardened of hearts, she sure shatter mine.
It started becoming apparent that we were falling in love with each other. We continued our relationship throughout 2015.
It was February 2015, I was going for a promotion at work. All the while working towards this promotion I was thinking about Roxana, Roxana truly is the person that had helped me the most to get it. She’s caused me to open up, after the death of my Grandmother in 2003 I shut down to the world, never letting anyone into my heart, that is besides Sara… Sara was my childhood sweetheart and was the only person, so I thought at the time, that I could care or love.
Then something devastating happened in my life. In April 2015 my mother and her sister, my aunt, were involved in a serious car accident. Justing thinking about Roxana helped me through the tough times.
We had made plans to meet up sometime in 2015, see if we could handle being around each others, if it felt right. Boy did my world get turned upside-down come June/July 2015. My aunt had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, she didn’t have long to live at that point and in a matter of days/weeks she passed away.
Roxana really helped me through those tough times, she still continues to do so, even though she may not think it.
September came and went by pretty uneventful, she needed some money to help with some repairs around her house so I decided I would help her.
In October/November she told me she was having some medical problems, and that stress could be the main factor. She’s had some problems in the past and still has some problems she’s dealing with. I told her (at least I think I did) that she wasn’t alone and that I would help however I could.
It was now December, my parents and I decided to go away for Christmas this year to Ottawa since we’ve never been. All during this time I kept in contact with Roxana, saying how I wished she were there and that I would love to be standing there with her.
I was in my own financial strain at this time, I spent money stupidly and without care to try and hide the pain of loosing my aunt earlier in the year, after all Christmas was her favourite holiday.
Roxana’s birthday falls on the 29th of December. Because of my own stupidity and financial strain I was unable to get her anything for either Christmas or her birthday. I still regret this.
We never did keep that plan to get together in 2015…
Then January 2016 came…
I was blindsided, we spent the morning talking on Skype, as usual. We were going to spend some time again in the afternoon, but I got busy that day. I went on my Facebook when I finished up and saw that there was a new suggested friend. It was a name resembling Roxana’s; I decided to check it out… Boy did my blood boil over fast.
It was a profile linking to both her ex-boyfriend and her actual profile… I couldn’t control my emotions at this point, I sent her a message on WhatsApps demanding that she explain. I was so upset I don’t even remember the conversation other than that she left work early because she was upset.
After I had cooled down a little I decided to give her a chance to explain, and boy did she explain. She had a moment of weakness in June/July 2015, right around the time of my aunts death. I thought about it long and hard, and came to the final decision that we hadn’t physically met yet. That she didn’t do anything wrong.
Thats when we started fighting. She threatened and even did block me on Skype, threatened to change her phone number and cut off all contact. I pleaded with her not to, this somewhat worked.
My mother was scheduled for surgery on February 8th, it was for a double breast removal. Since the car accident last year she’s been in constant pain from the internal injuries sustained from the accident.
I hadn’t told my parents about Roxana up until this point, the fighting began taking it’s toll. I finally broke down one day after fighting with Roxana and told my mother about her. My mother was surprised but at the same time trusted me in my decision, she knows I’ve a very private person when it comes to my relationships… I never formally told my father about my previous relationship with Sara, though I think he knew.
At this point I had my laptop with me, Roxana called back and we began to talk and start fighting again. I shocked both her and my mother and I put my mother on cam, let me tell you I’ve never seen a person turn a brighter shade of red. Roxana was clearly embarrassed and looked like she was getting even hotter under the collar. She quickly closed the connection on skype and began “yelling” (typing in all capital letters for those not in the know) at me.
I tried to explain why I did it, but she wouldn’t have any of it. I thought to myself “how could I have screwed this up so bad”. My mother tried to reassure me that everything would be alright.
During one of the many fights in January Roxana dropped a bomb on me, she told me before we started fighting she was planning on coming to Canada this year to visit me, I was dumbfound, I didn’t know what to say or do. I think I told her lets continue with this plan, to work things out.
I’ve been adamant throughout all this fighting that we stay together, I don’t want to loose another person that means so much to me. I’m still not sure what all the fighting is truly about still, but I do know her medical issues have resurfaced, and she’s under a lot of financial strain and stress.
We were fighting up until Valentines day, the night before began like any other, us fighting and me pleading with her to give me another chance and that things would be different this time around.
Before going to bed on Saturday she had sent me a message on WhatsApp, the message read “Forgive me I can’t afford a present to buy you… Believe me f I could I would buy you. kiss you ?” “Happy Valentines Day!!!” “Be happy!!!” “Good Night! ?”. At this point I didn’t know how to reply, we’d been fighting the previous day, to find another girl, to buy her presents and go out. I still don’t think she understands that that doesn’t actually work, especially for me, I’ve tried dating, but it’s hard when your a social outcast, which makes me wonder, what does she actually see in me?.
I decided to goto sleep and plan out my reply, boy did that turn out to be a bad idea. I woke up to messages streaming in on whatsapp, then came in hot and pointed, “Ha ha ha… What you try do now? ?” “No problem bb I’ll block so you’ll not have to read message and no answer ?” “I just wanted try today because is a special day :))” “Bye Bye Matt”, I shot up like I got a hot poker suck in my ass, I darted to my computer and Roxana demanded I explain, I tried to deflect the question, I was scared, I thought that any response from me was wrong at that point and that she would take it as a negative meaning only.
I told her that I had fallen asleep, she quickly replied that it showed as read last night on WhatsApp, shit was all that came to mind, I had forgotten that whatsapp showed if and when a message was read.
Some where at this point she blocked and deleted me from skype, she then proceeded to block me on whatsapp. I then decided to take advantage of my international text messaging plan (God thank you Andrew Nicholson for being my best friend and living in the US! Oh yes thats Number 44 from the Orlando Magic!), sending texts directly to her phone, I managed to convince her to unblock me on whatsapp. She was convinced that I was paying to send each and every text message to her phone, I kept telling her they are included on my phones plan.
We began fighting again, ultimately she said she was going to go eat. I left it as is for about two hours. Than two hours later I messaged her asking if I sent her some money if she would get upset.
She replied asking “For?” “Present for Valentines Day?” and I replied “For you to use how ever you want” “Be it something for valentines or bills”. I had originally planned on sending her some money for valentines day, and was planning to send it to her either way, this actually caused the fight that happened on the Friday prior”
She finally told me she actually went to the hospital, that she had lied about going to eat. I asked her why she was at the hospital. She told me a couple of hours later that it was due to the same medical issue from October, I thought to myself how could I have not known, how could I have been so selfish and stupid.
She replied to me before I sent the money asking why I am sending the money, I replied to her: “Because I do care about you and I was planning to send you some anyways.”.
She went out and picked up the money, paid some bills and came back home.
Andrea, if you’re up in heaven, reading this, please guide her back to me, this is what I pray to both my Aunt and Grandmother every night before I goto bed.
So I’m going to end this here with this message for Roxana.
Roxana,
I love you with all my heart and soul, and there is nothing that I wont do for you. I will always be here for you through thick and thin as you have for me in the past. I want you to know, nobody is perfect, perfection is what we make of it, and I think you’re Perfect the way you are. I know it’s hard to be this far apart and not be in physical contact, nobody ever said life would be easy. I know you think that I am too good for you and that I deserve better. Roxana, I know now, more than ever before, how important to me you are, I’m not willing to let this fight, financial problems, or anything get in the way of being happy with you. I know it’s as if the promises I’ve made mean nothing or have no weight. I want us to be happy, together.
I know you’ve had a hard life, let me help make it easier for you, please. You are stronger than most of my friends, you’ve gone through a lot.
Love always and forever,
Matthew